Wanting Both

"...according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will not be put to shame in anything, but that with all boldness, Christ will even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which to choose. But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better; yet to remain on in the flesh is more necessary for your sake. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy in the faith, so that your proud confidence in me may abound in Christ Jesus through my coming to you again." Philippians 1:20-26 NASB

This passage has much to say and I want to take several days to " unpack" its treasures. So I will highlight the portion I am working each day. Please read the entire printed passage for context and to know what is being shared by the Holy Spirit through Paul.

He wanted both! He wanted to be able to continue to live in the flesh (as we do in the present time), and he wanted to let it all go and be with Christ. This presents us with the second point of shared conflict in this chapter. He was having conflict with some in the church earlier, now the stress is internal. He really wants to do whatever is best, but inside he does not know which or how to choose, and he is very open about his personal feelings. He would like to just go and be with his Jesus, but sees that it would be better for the Philippians if he continues on in flesh.

As we grow in our Lord and in walking in His Spirit, we discover the same conflict. We know what it is to be conflicted and sometimes due to our legalistic teaching of the past, we become condemned in the interior stress and instead of using those stresses to move through the conflict, we simple buckle under what seems obvious. I think here we see that simply being conflicted is a bit like temptation. There is no sin in temptation, only if it is played with and encouraged. Then we "after inviting it to dinner" discover we have sinned. Likewise there is no shame in conflict. However for us, all interior conflicts must find their peace in the presence and direction of our Lord.

How do we do that? It is really quite simple, but difficult on us at the same time. The answer is always the same. The simplest way I know is to get in a still place in the Lord (doing so outwardly helps, but is not always necessary), pour out our hearts to Him, then listen and wait until peace settles. He is so faithful to relieve us of such stress. So actually the stress and conflict become motivators to take us into Him. He will always lead us with cords of a man, with bonds of love, and become to us as one who lifts the yoke from our jaws; and bend down and feed us. (adapted from Hosea 11:4 NASB) What an awesome God!